My mind has fallen ill lately. There were more than 10 guys taking turns to fuck my brains over and over again. I've been criticised, mocked, profusely belittled and mostly importantly, wrongly accused.

How much mind-fuck can one take? Why is the human breed so intricately complex and difficult to comprehend? Before I am clinically proven insane, I want to quickly jot this down should this be my very last entry. That at least, the handful of bloggers I personally know will understand the reason I ceased blogging. That I am locked up in the loony house. That CP has seriously gone into a permanent mental breakdown.

I can find no suitable words to describe the exact intangible pain I am going through. The fucking reality is that everyone is so afraid of dying more than they are of pain. It's really strange when life actually hurts more than death. At the point of death, the real pain is over.

I can actually taste it at the tip of my tongue. Surprisingly, it's not bitter as I expected but sweet with a hint of mint.

I am not AFRAID of death.


I am in pretty good spirit today and have decided to fool around a bit with one of my favourite unheard-of song. I've always liked songs that have never hit the charts which makes them rare and priceless!

I am elated today because an old friend is treating me dinner for my birthday!

Gonna dress up just for it. Feels so effin' good to be appreciated!

(Hey by Bic Runga)

Love Songs

Why do we love listening to love songs?

Research has shown that if we put the same song on repeat, it will help the erase the feeling of ‘bitter’ from a bittersweet relationship by repeatedly remembering the ‘sweet’ memories associated with the song. The professional understanding of this process is known as desensitizing. This study could explain why people listen to love songs repeatedly. It’s not necessarily the song itself, but the feeling from the song which gives them what they want.

So there you go. Crank up your volume and play those heart-wrenching songs!

It's also a remedy to stay away from drugs!

(袖手旁觀 - 齊秦)

So Lonely

There is this loneliness, and sometimes it eats me up alive. I believe our moments on earth is truly brief. I want to allow myself joy but lately, my predicament has lead to my poor judgement in finding the right companion. I've been attracting all the insane guys!

I talk to the moon and walk with my shadow. I sing to the wall and eat with myself. I live in some of you but mostly, I live alone inside. I need a break from this awful lonely feeling.