I stopped writing because it takes time to write something worth reading, something that you will appreciate, even if it doesn’t mean I blog every day. Anyone can blog. In fact, many do. But not everyone has something to say. And when I do, it's always on the negative side of things because I read the crap I write to reflect and grow positively (I think I just told a big lie).
Since this is not a journal of my daily events, it makes writing even harder. I'd like to think that the sole reason for keeping this blog is to share my singing to the world. I am that shy else I would've placed my videos on YouTube instead.
There's a Spanish proverb that encourages people to speak only when
their words are more beautiful than the silence. The online world has given me a
beautiful place for discussion and self-expression on topics I am passionate about but where there is beauty, there exists hateful and malicious readers.
I am not sure if I still have any followers but here is a video to compensate for my absence. I've been refusing to write and by doing so, my suppressed emotions, feelings, and thoughts have turned me into a complete sociopath. I am deflated of intelligence, achievement, popularity, attractiveness, health and strength. And almost all negative emotional reactions have caused so much more damage than I have imagined. At least now, I finally have the strength to post this entry which took me almost half a year! Next will be the lost courage to actually get help.
Someone told me that sleeping is like death. You are literally doing nothing but wasting away time when you can be awake to do so many wonderful and meaningful things.
I sleep a lot. Too much actually. Mainly because my thoughts would run wild and goes down the path of severe dejection when it's active . I get that a lot now that I am much older and alone.
I figured I should at least write something soon to give my mind a reason to be awake. I've been leaning too much on the thought of touching another living being. Just to smell his skin and gently stroke his fringe. I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done and wake up to your face against the morning sun. But like everything I've ever known, you'll disappear one day. So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away.