It's Been A Year?

It's weird. I still visit this space now and then but I've become an audience to my own blog hoping an entry will appear. This uncertainty that does not stimulate the need to write saddens me. And with this continuous doubt or perhaps something that even myself cannot comprehend, a year has passed. 16 entries for 2012 is really pathetic.

I wonder do I only write when I am not at peace with myself. That I am not a fervent blogger who blogs about his daily routines. I think I've just answered myself. How ironic.

So it's a good thing then? That when there are no entries, I am a happier person?

Will you miss my absence?

When I Think Of You

"It's a pleasure meeting you. What do you do for a living?"

Sniggered. "I do everything but nothing stays."

Raising an eyebrow, "Oh, such as?"

"Managing a restaurant, coordinate fitting for models, garment styling, emceeing for events, designing corporate identity for companies, posters and such for F&B outlets, business cards for entrepreneurs, and a whole lot of others just to make ends meet."

"Sounds fun and exciting! How do you find the time to do so many things? Isn't there something you are especially good at?"

Blank stare. "Of course! I am especially good at everything but nothing."

Puzzled face. "Er... that sounds like what a typical businessman does."

"No, I am the greatest lover alive. Businessmen have no emotions."

"That's not true, I run my own company and I am so in love with the generous profit I make."

Rolls his eyes and looks away. "Diu nei lah! Chin chin chin!"

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(當我想你的時候 - 汪峰)

Congestion Of The Brain

I often thought I could sense the feeling of darkness as it stole across the morning sun rushing towards me. Overwhelmed by a sorrow so poignant, I felt in all candour a great release when I welcome it. As though I am misery itself, a dark and morbid melancholy that has been following me like a black dog all my life. I would be truly uncomfortable if I wake with a sense of euphoria every morning.

Demise Of CP

Soon, there won't be a need for this anymore. It's pointless. Really.

Repressed Passion

It's like I've been robbed of my blogging privilege. When inspired, blogging becomes unavailable and when I am allowed, nothing encouraging comes to mind. How effin' ironic!

Took up a 2-month contract job and ended up with an advance increment and permanent employment offer. Is this really what I want after being so disgusted with working on a daily basis, countless late nights and the appalling notion of using Adobe software again?

I should have plenty of qualms but I am pleasantly surprised that I actually love my current job, even if it means going back to work over the weekends. Perhaps I've learned that without monetary assistance, I will never be able to achieve my dream of leaving this country for good.

Till something better comes up, I am glad that work has kept me from thinking of my indefinite longing to be with someone. Yeah, I am a hopeless romantic. It's evident in most of the songs I put up here.

Cinta oh cinta! Where Art Thou menyorok? 

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(全世界失眠 - 陳奕迅)

To All Devotees Of Love

Currently out of words. So just listen to me sing instead k?

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(善男信女 - 蕭敬騰)

Learn How Happiness Can Be Painful

He said nothing
even when mouth wide open.

Obviously we are done,
nothing good comes anymore.

We fake it so well.

Why do we all change? Why will there never be constant loving? Why must I put up with this fight no matter how rough and defeating it gets? Is it all because I have this once-in-a-lifetime existence? A chance to make it right? What is right and what is wrong? I simply loved you and it all changed anyway. Now we are nothing but friends who still remember to call when it's our birthday. That's as good as it gets. Memories. And the strength to create new ones with that newfound attraction. The same strength that will be weakened by past failures. Of despair and regrets, of hurt and betrayal, of pain and suffering.

But I can honestly say, it's all worth the torment even if genuine happiness means a fleeting moment. I simply cannot spend the rest of my remaining days fearing pain. It is an act of a coward who is in denial that with every cut, will we then trickle blood of happiness. Profound it seems but it does make sense. It's called the pain of happiness. A funeral, a childbirth, the ultimate experience that comes at the apex of the most pain for sportsmen, and the crucifixion of Jesus.

So don't hide because you fear pain. If you do, you're only denying yourself from real happiness. You will only cook up an extremely bitter soup that you don't even know you're capable of. A self-destructive, self-inflicted time bomb.

KA-BOOOOM!!!

In other words, fucking reach out your hand, call my number and date me okay?

Been Everywhere

Been silent for awhile now. Been so busy with my new contract job. Been burning the midnight oil since middle of April through the weekends. Been working hard just to make ends meet. Been falling in and out of a flu spell. Been making new interesting friends especially a quick-witted one. Been having my eye on this charming boy who works right beside the agency I am currently bound to. Been hoping that he is not straight and doesn't have a partner yet. Been thinking about moving back to my hometown.

Been hoping to fall in love all over again.

Have you ever wondered, what would life be if you are incapable of love?

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(夢一場 - 那英)

Happy 1st Anniversary!

Guess what? It's been exactly 1 year since I made this little petpet blog. I want to remember this day as it is also the installation of Yang di-Pertuan Agong Tuanku Abdul Halim Mu'adzam Shah in Malaysia. (Totally no connection to this blog)

So to commemorate the 1st anniversary of Chinese Prick, I've uploaded a video. Err... it's kinda irrelevant coz I wasn't prepared for this so I simply whack only. Wasn't even serious with the singing either. Was rather annoyed with the talking MTV more than anything else.

But I do know the new blog cover is totally relevant to Chinese Prick! Be kind with your comments kay?

Lastly, on such a short existence, my blog has garnered more than 8,000 visits. That really says something. You guys are totally awesome in lending your support to Chinese Prick!

Oh, as a footnote; I am glad I got one step closer to knowing someone personally.

WANNA DO, JUST DO IT DUN HESITATE!

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(傾城 - 許美靜)

A Beautiful Revolution

www.abeautifulrevolution.com
Lend your support to this interesting project!
A Beautiful Revolution wrote:

In 2004, I was depressed. In 2005, I was suicidal. I went to see a therapist and started writing this site. In 2006, the work on this site became a book. In 2007, I found my place in this world. In 2008, my love life was still a disaster. But then I met her -- the girl on the Internet. We fell in love and got married. In 2009, I found everything.

This project is about that journey. And trying to understand how a life can completely change.

Dramarama

Just when I thought everything has finally begun to fall into place, drama happens. I've been trying hard to start afresh on the right foot by making a lot of wrong decisions which I thought were right. So now I look back at all that I've done and I've decided not to show any remorse.

www.abeautifulrevolution.com
I have made some wrong decisions.

Wrong.

I made the right decisions. It's the wrong way to think, but the right way to win. Life is about decisions. Whatever decision I will or am about to make, it will only be the one I could make. Otherwise I would have made a different one. Everything that I do, I was given a choice.

I choose to be the person I want to be.

Who are you going to be?

A young man worked as a runner in an advertising firm. One Day he said to his manager, "I'm leaving. I'm going to be a drummer."

The manager said, "I didn't know you played the drums."

He replied, "I Don't, but I'm going to."

A few years later that young man played in a band with Eric Clapton and Jack Bruce, and it was called Cream, and the young man's name was Ginger Baker.

He became what he wanted to become before he knew he could do it.

He had a goal.

Paul Arden - Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite

I Am Not Afraid II

This entry is a response to TULS's request. It's been quite a while since I've tried crazy pitch numbers. So to raise the bar, I decided to belt this out under a hot sunny afternoon on an empty stomach while smoking. It's a disappointment that I can no longer pull all the falsettos effortlessly. (Sebab tu I tukar pitch) I guess it comes with fervent practice. But this is fun. Makes me wanna try even more ridiculous numbers in the future.

Okay, just to note, don't ask me why I am topless. It's freakin hawt that's why! Don't even comment on my boxers lah, furnitures lah this and that ok?

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(我不害怕 - 梁靜茹)

Boo!

Oh dear, I am finally writing again! And I believe this is the very first time I am blogging under the influence of alcohol, unconstrained and consciously feeling very, very, very lonely. Where have I been? What have I been doing? I have somewhat abandoned my private sanctuary, my only abode where I get to shout like a bitch in heat; a broken hearted Chinese faggot.

I've been hiding. Hiding from friends whom I thought would only lead me to self-distruction. I've disappeared for two weeks back in my serene home town. Seeing my newborn nephew, just a few days old with such enthusiastic limbs; kicking and flinching without the constrain of mummy's womb. Lucas have such profound eyes, barely foccussed, he reminded me greatly on the innocence of being alive. How sometimes, matters are just the way they are without allegories. Not cryptic, not difficult and doesn't fuck with the mind.

So, what really happened to me? I grew old or rather, I finally woke up feeling 34. Threw my freelancing away, locked it up somewhere inside me and took up a full-time job as an Art Director. Where will this lead me I do not know. How long can I keep this up I do not know. I only know that Maya will die on me if I do not suck it all up and fucking make ends meet.

(Pounding in my skull)

Suddenly, I just cannot fasten my thoughts on finishing this entry...

Please Write Again

How many times has it been? That I've tried so hard to write an entry and all it amounts to is this? I am keeping this to remind myself.

This space is specially dedicated to you moron, why abandon it? Don't be so hard on yourself. You've already gone through enough by removing your Facebook. You've already shunned all your friends but why neglect yourself? Take the test and write about it okay? You owe me this please...

Having A Breakdown

I feel disappointed because you were irresponsible.
I feel frustrated because you did not listen to my plea.
I feel angry because you do it anyway regardless of how I felt.
I feel afraid because I might die from what you did.
I feel hurt because you broke my trust.
I feel self-doubt because I no longer trust myself.
I feel ashamed because I allowed you to have things your way.

You Know How I Feel?

It's a new year, a new dawn, a new day, a new life;
and I still feel like shit!