Apathetic

有時我說 “我很好” 的時候,
我希望有個人能看穿我的眼睛,
他緊緊的抱著我說,
“我知道你並不好.”

The Unexpected

Being really disappointed with my narrow-minded client, I turned to Facebook to give my mind a break and there he was. Teacher was online and I decided to say hi.

CP: How are you doing? :(

T: Okay ne. Why de sad face?

CP: I had a really, really bad, bad day with my client.

T: Wanna have dinner with my Mum and Yan Yan?

CP: Ha? Dinner with you guys? I paiseh ler...

T: No need to paiseh.

I drove out and met up with them but not forgetting to stop by the Chinese medical store to get some herbs and salted plums. His mother was not feeling well with some coughing. Once, I used to have regular Sunday dinners with him and his mother. Whenever I get the chance, I would buy some snacks or light meals and pay her a visit at her store. I have always enjoyed her company and the idea of secretly treating her like my own mother.

Dinner was awkward, I spoke to his mother more than I did to him and tried my best not to make eye contact. But it was brief, dinner has always been quick and really early for them. When I first met Teacher, it took me a while to get used to their routine. But for today, I was really glad it did not last.

After dinner, Teacher told me to walk to his car. That he has something to give me. I accompanied his mother, walking slowly while making conversations and suddenly, I saw him take out a huge paper bag. I did not know how to react, so I took a peep and found a stuffed reindeer. Immediately, I felt bad because I never got him anything for Christmas. Why would I even think of getting him something? Most of all, why did he?

After they left, I stepped into my car and sat there, unmoving. My left hand voluntarily took out the reindeer and I hugged it. I turned the keys and the radio came on with a woman singing "I have died everyday waiting for you..." I found out much later that this was A Thousand Years by Christina Perri. Such a beautiful sad song for a lame-ass movie.

There is a reason why couples break up and I will always hold on to that reason regardless.

But hor, damn cute lah the reindeer! I didn't even know its legs are extendable until I got home and Maya instantly thought I bought her a new toy.

Thank you Teacher :)

Merry Christmas

Instead of being a time of unusual behaviour, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish. Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself.
Francis C. Farley

Merry Christmas to all you readers! Remember to tell your mum you love her okay?

Kiss your pet for me and tongue your lover if you have one :)

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(Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas by Frank Sinatra)
Eh sorry ah, very the zao yum!

Bad Advice On Break-Ups

Silent is the night when all breathing angels are heavily slumbered. Their coy face and porcelain skin illuminates the dark with a youthful glow. How calm and peaceful it seems while I sit and quietly brave the morning breeze that chills my flesh, my bones, and my heart, alone.

Lately, I am not the only one who has been fighting the crushing weight of emotional torture. The agony that everyone goes through when they have their delicate little heart broken. It does hurt when you lose control over your own feelings right? But how long should it last? Has it been that bad or were the memories just too sweet to let go? Whatever the reason may be, I believe there must be a time to grieve. A process that I never gave myself a chance at.

Experts have said to mull over it as much as you want but not obsessively, not compulsively. Try filling your free time by watching soppy love movies. You will get used to seeing unrequited love, it's called flooding. Fill yourself with the sadness of others and at some point, yours won’t seem so bad. You may get a different perspective on your ex. That would be one way of handling it. Or, understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, but if the relationship was not what both you and your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, it is better sooner rather than later. You must also accept that you are a good person, and that you did your best and you're not the only one who have made mistakes. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to start moving on.

I say, go put on your best outfit and celebrate your break-up with your best buddies. Go out and get drunk, get pissed, laugh about it, cry about it even. Cry so badly till everyone thinks you are mourning over the death of someone dear. Then wake up the next day with a bad hangover and only then, do what the experts suggested. LOL!

No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends. Wah kanasai! The experts totally left that out. Or probably I left it out because the excess information I found on break-ups will overload my entry.

Aiyah, cheer up! It's not the end of the world yet. I still miss my ex... well, all my exes but it's more fun watching them duck and run! Sometimes it is best to avoid the dread and dreary sayings. It's the funny ones which help you move on. Whether you are gonna text it to your ex or keep it for yourself. Enjoy!

I ran into my EX the other day,
so I put it in reverse and hit him again.

Cancel my subscription because I don't need your issues.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable like a coma?

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself,
I would be happy to do it for you.

I'm so miserable without you, it's almost as if you're here!

So how? Got put a smile on that dreadful face you've been wearing or not? Anyway, heartaches aside, I've decided to try an English number this time. Something that I got so bored of doing in the past hence all the lagu-lagu Cina now.

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(Always On My Mind by Michael Bublé)
Dedicated to Bubu...

Heaven Of Matches

有誰來買我的孤單?

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(火柴天堂 - 熊天平)

Paramnesia

I think I dreamt of you. You wanted to reconcile but you were not the only one. You and he and he and he were all present. Suddenly, everyone wants to love me and hold me tight but I cringed because this isn't possible.

Nothing is real to me anymore.

I woke up to an empty apartment. I could almost hear my thoughts echo off the wall. I looked at the clock on the wall you bought and went back to sleep.

Nothing is real to me anymore.