Sleep Paralysis

Woke up with a heavy weight on my head and shoulders. Vaguely recalled this disturbing dream. Headline reads 'Kes Bodoh yang Paling Dahsyat.' I was together with a female reporter in tudung exploring a strange case that was found in a secondary school somewhere. We were filming a reality show similar to The Blair Witch Project.

The words ‘Strange Case’ kept playing in my head as we head into the school compound. It was a breezy and cloudy afternoon where students were present and classes took place just as any other day. Some were peeping through the window, curious at the presence of the camera man and TV crew. We soon ended up between two 5-storey blocks with the student washroom welcoming us. The air was quiet and unnerving echoed by the soft chatters of students faraway. Nothing out of the ordinary was felt until we caught sight of a shadow within the washroom. Suddenly, a childlike voice was heard singing a tune in Bahasa. I can’t make out what he/she was singing but I awoke on my bed in an unmoving state. I felt pinned down while I struggled hard to open my eyes and only realised this was all just a dream. The uncanny part was; I can still hear the child singing. It felt fucking real, I felt his/her presence. The singing got louder.

Because I’ve had dream-conscious events like these before, my immediate reaction was to recite the Lord’s Prayer. Yeah, how typical but don’t we all instantly recite prayers when are aware of a paranormal presence? I can’t really tell if the child’s presence was a threat or possibly harmless, but I was just uncomfortable by the fact that I was unable to move my body.

What seemed like a minute took an eternity to end as I finally hear the words escape my lips, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be thy name…” My eyes could finally make out the baby blue walls in my room and the singing from the child was replaced by birds chirping outside my window. I awoke with a numb arm as I turn to my right to see Maya jolted awake by my victory to wake up. “You were supposed to protect me Maya.”

As soon as I finished this entry, I realised that most definitely what I experienced was just Sleep Paralysis. You can read about it here if you are interested.

Does your sleep paralysis involve any child singing?


I am burning crimson. Watch me run you over and spill your underrated talent. You must be stone to go uncarved. But I am flinching. Fearing you would not survive today because you've stopped living long ago. It's the vessel that remains. The breath that remains. An echo that reflects defeat. A lost that deflects a lending hope. I will be ready when it comes this close.

Are you prepared to watch?


It's horribly early. I can almost catch the dreams of the heavy sleepers under this roof. But what can I say? I am at my best when no one is awake.

Though this may seem normal to me, it is actually a very unhealthy habit. This nocturnal behaviour that I've been living with has finally caught up on me. I now suffer from occasional nausea after waking up. It is no laughing matter. Imagine the sudden experience of having your whole apartment spinning upside down while watching the telly. I had to immediately close my eyes and lie face-flat on the ground to stop the spinning.

I am abnormal. I am not cut out for the usual routines everyone else does. Soon I will just crawl on the floor, teary eyed, and succumb to conventional living behaviour. Majority does not always win but there will always be strength in numbers. What can a little prick like me do rite? Falter and suck up to socially acceptable behaviours-lor. Niaseng!

So having said this, should I head back to bed and snuggle up to Teacher? No! I have a company profile brochure that's way behind deadline. Gotta get on to it if I ever wanna settle my monthly debts. Urgh! Here comes the motion sickness again! Maybe a hot cup of Nescafe will do the trick.

Are you nocturnal?

It's this Early

Shhh... Do you hear that? That's the sound of my own soft breathing. The sound of everything you do not hear when the world is wide awake and buzzing to life's rat race. If you listen closely, you can even hear Teacher's snoring. That low hum like a midnight motor that can dull even the sharpest mind. (Mind me, I tend to talk poetically when the mood calls)

I am pretty proud of myself last Sunday for having made a scrumptious dinner for TL and 66 only to find out later that CL and DK were invited over. With just enough ingredients for three, I was worried food was inadequate. The menu was just Herbal Chicken Soup, Stir-fry Broccoli and Ma Gu Gai (Fresh mushrooms cooked with chicken). Dinner was punctual and I had just enough time in between for a quick shower after the greasy ordeal. I came out feeling refreshed and was pleasantly surprised by Teacher's presence (Thank God he came after his dinner).

It's funny now that I am cooking again, I realised I've never cooked for Teacher. But, I am glad I didn't as he is most fastidious when it comes to food. I fear my cooking may not hold his approval. Guess what? He loved it! (Fuck! 10 points earned!)

It was lovely to see CL and DK again. Even lovelier to find out this time, my cooking has improved tremendously. Everything was full of flavour and cooked to the correct firmness. So was the soup that TL had fun boiling for long hours since noon only to be discovered by CL that a weird looking herb swimming in her soup bowl was actually a rubber band! Yuck! Somehow, a blunder from TL like this does not surprise me at all.

I had time to quickly snap my masterpiece. Please excuse the bad quality as lighting was poor and it was shot from my cheap phone.

Stir-fry Broccoli

Mushroom Chicken with Carrots
Dang! These pictures doesn't do my cooking justice at all! The Mushroom Chicken looks like my dog's vomit.

Oh well, I am contented anyway because everyone finished everything on the plate except me. I am not sure if this is natural but, I have a weird case of never having the appetite to eat what I cook. Especially when proper meals are concerned. I've always been puzzled by this and my best excuse is that I've mentally stuffed my tummy during the process of cooking. All I did was sit at one corner and smiled as I watched them savour the dishes.

Do you lose your appetite over your own cooked food too?

The Bitch is Back!

Finally! I am back to blogging again after such a long hiatus. I've never been a fervent blogger and my entries have always been sporadic.

It's funny how every time, after a long disappearance, I return with a clean slate. I want to make an honest promise to myself this time. To use this blog as a source, a healing space to lick my wounds. Yes, I am sure we all get wounded now and then to a certain extent, and not having an outlet to reflect on it certainly drives a person insane.

So here I am, growing old, still trying to see what lies ahead of my life but always hitting a big fuzzy wall. Getting in and out of jobs. Going to bed at the first sight of light. Worrying about the unpaid debts. Why is it this difficult to make out what I really want from the one and only lifetime I have?

Do you really know what you want in this lifetime?