Who Do You Think You Are?

It's funny.

Every time I try to reinvent myself, I end up telling lies. Lies that fuels my inability to identify myself. This vicious cycle of constant reinvention is clear evidence of a person struggling with an identity crisis. It is a sick internal war I have with myself which, is far worse than a break-up or getting fired at work.

The pattern?

I start a fresh blog. I start off being personal, with factual events and some unfiltered self-indulgence. I try to be transparent without prejudice. But gradually I become overly cautious, I begin to censor myself. I question my thoughts because I worry how they will be perceived. I then edit and manipulate the outcome to appear desirable and idealistic. And eventually the number of entries decreases, they become short and ambiguous. I become extremely private while deep down, I am crying for acceptance.

The fix?

I am not sure. But I am very sure that if I care too much on what others think of me or how they treat me, I will be putting too much emphasis on things I have no control over when I should be putting emphasis on what I have real power over - myself. I can and should define myself and let the world take me as I am or leave me be. Even the most extreme personalities can find a niche in this world.

The finding?

Unless you come to terms with who you really are, you will never be truly appreciated and remembered no matter how successful or good-looking you've become. People respond well to authentic, genuine people, even if they are odd.

Sorry it took me so long.